"Hey Y'all!  It's Cooter here...  Yep!  The one and only! "

"Hey-- I betcha never had an atomic buffalo turd just melt in yer mouth before!  Well, just come on down to my backyard and try one... Mmmmm Mmmmm!  Tasty little jalapeno peppers stuffed with cocktail weenies and cream cheese then wrapped all up in bacon!  It's a little piece of heaven!  And you just ain't a member of the family 'til you tried my redneck caviar! 

Heh Heh... Ta heck with that fancy smancy stuff... who needs fish eggs on a cracker when you can have a crispy tortilla chip dipped just ever-so-slightly in my tangy black bean and shrimp dip!  Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!  But that's just the Cooter-tizers...we have lip-smackin' steaks, ribs, barbeque chicken-- straight off the grill!  And I'm sure if you peek back in the kitchen, you'll see Aunt Mitsy there toppin' off her homemade peach cobbler with a big ol' scoop 'o ice cream!  There's one thing I know fer sure... this Southern boy knows how to eat real goooood!  So come on over to my backyard and stay awhile!  I promise 'fore you leave here, you'll be full as a tick on a hound dog's ear and happier than a pig wallerin' in the mudd!"